Category: Religious

The Hoard

Falkabarn7 Comments

Paganism makes you hoard weird things. Heathenry even more so, probably, because we tend to take our cues from Vikings. And Vikings loved shiny things so much, I’m still not entirely sure they’re not just tall, wingless magpies.

Raiding Dublin is for the birds, is what I’m saying.

I think anyone with vaguely woo leanings is going to pick up a crystal at some point, if only because they’re pretty. Add in a witchy bent, and hag stones, jars (ye gods, the jars) and cool sticks are soon to follow.

Also, I have a dog, so sticks are an inevitability.

In the last 5 years since converting, I’ve collected:

  • Acorns
  • Jars
  • Rusty nails
  • Bits of wax
  • More tealight tins than you can shake a stick at
  • Joker cards
  • Maple leaves
  • Juniper branches and berries
  • Juniper twigs (which are now hair sticks)
  • Oak leaves
  • Hag stones
  • Vaguely heart shaped stones
  • A weirdly eroded river stone that looks straight up volcanic
  • Any bright orange stone I find
  • Railroad coke (the fuel, not the drink. Or the powder.)
  • Tangled fishing line
  • Turtle shells
  • Mardi Gras beads (I had a lot of gold ones. Gullveig did not flash me for them.)
  • An owl pellet
  • little bones
  • A buck’s skull, whose antlers were sawed off (my avatar, in fact)
  • Ferns
  • Dandelions galore
  • Little purple flowers of any variety (since Loki had me pick one for Sigyn)
  • A kaun-shaped twig that fell out of my patio Ash tree. Yes, the falcon one. I felt personally attacked.
  • Grape vines
  • Beer cans (for recycling, as a favor to the landvættir)
  • Bus tokens (from the landvættir)
  • Crystals
  • Mint tins
  • scarves
  • Spiralbound notebook wire for bracelets
  • Folded origami boxes
  • A multipurpose chess board
  • A magnetic chess set, missing all the pieces (makes good lighter storage, though)
  • Bowls. So many bowls.
  • FEATHERS.

The feathers. It’s kind of ridiculous. I had a vaguely feathery association for Loki early on ’cause of the weird falcon thing, but when I had a landscaping/dogwalking job the feathers would pop up constantly. Including a peacock feather at the dog park nobody else spotted.

To my knowledge, we don’t have anyone raising peacocks in the immediate area. Most of the homesteaders here prefer chickens and guineafowl. So that’s already weird. Either way, who doesn’t notice a peacock feather? That’s some ridiculousness.

The Geology of Ragnarök

Falkabarn4 Comments

In my final semester of college I took an astrobiology class, because I thought it would be cool to learn about life in space. This was complicated by the fact that we still have not found life in space. Details.

Continue reading “The Geology of Ragnarök” →

Sometimes Prayer Just Looks Like Prayer

Falkabarn3 Comments

I’m a little ashamed to admit I haven’t been as observant lately as I wish I were, and haven’t really taken the time to approach my altars longer than it takes to put on devotional jewelry before I leave the house.

And that does count as devotional behavior, because I almost always remember to do it, specifically with the idea that I am marking myself as a Heathen and carrying a reminder that what I do reflects on my gods and coreligionists. But it’s not the same as lingering by my altars and carving out time specifically for prayer.

I’ve allowed myself to get too sucked into the idea that indirect methods of devotion are equivalent to the direct, forgetting that these alternatives are alternatives, for when the direct isn’t an option. It’s good to gain knowledge in preparation for my oath, and for becoming ordained. It’s good to find ways to help marginalized and rejected people. It’s good to go into the various communities who consider me a member and try to be useful. These are all things that honor Loki. But they’re equivalent to sending a postcard when you’ve been meaning to visit. It’s not like I have to hide my faith from the people I live with, either. They think I’m a big ol’ nerd, but they’ve seen the good it’s done for me.

I had let the altar sit and collect dust, and recognized I needed to clean it. There was booze from Jol still sitting there. Altar cloths had to be shaken out. Cups had to be cleaned. I put it on my to-do list and watched that task migrate for several days in a row, being stupid and letting myself say I just didn’t feel like it, until a fly dove for my neck and I took it as a sign to get up and clean it. (That fly was…weird.)

The altar is dusted and the cloths are shaken out, and I lit apology candles, but that damn cup is still sitting on the dresser. It’s off the altar, but it still hasn’t been cleaned. What is my deal?

Aside from ADHD problems, probably fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of commitment and changing my mind. Fear of inadequacy. Fear of the consequences of lapsing, even though this is nowhere close to the first or worst time. (Remember that time I was incredibly stupid?) You’d think, 5 years in, I’d get used to this and get better at working past it.

I should give myself at least a little credit. I’ve gotten significantly better. Shadow work has done wonders for my anxiety. But I still let myself get roped into ridiculous trains of thought and tie myself in knots, acting like if I ignore the problem it will just go away.

(Stop trying to make that happen, me. It is never going to happen.)

I could do better. I should do better. An oath, especially one I offer, is not something I should keep making excuses about and prolonging. A date and time has been set to cut off any further excuses. The torc has been purchased and is sitting on the altar. I still have to work out the terms. This requires sitting down at the altar and having an actual conversation. Hopefully a looming time limit (eight weeks away) will get me in gear.

Loki can easily get by without me. He’s got plenty of other people to keep him busy when I’m not there. Ultimately, I just screw myself over when I don’t let myself relax and give in. But man, it’s rude. I’ve been rude. I’ve been playing a game with something bigger than me and an awful lot more clever. It’s foolishness. I have to get up off my tuchus and fix it.

The Prisoner’s Cinema

Falkabarn1 Comment

Or, What Happens when You DIY a Sensory Deprivation Tank on Vacation After You’ve Been Studying the Völuspá.

I think of the prisoners cinema
Bound gods
Bound sons
And Plato’s cave
I watch the wolf chase the northern lights
And I am silent

I see a locket on linden branch
Heart shaped
Golden
A payment lost
The glimmer and thunder of hammered shields
But all is silent

If Wordsworth…

FalkabarnLeave a comment

…would rather be a pagan
suckled on a creed outworn

I would rather be a Heathen
nestled in the reeds and thorns

caught in the rain

with thunder in my ears
and soaked to the bone

 

(I’m not dead! Just otherwise occupied.)

Her Weregild

Falkabarn2 Comments

For Gullveig, and for Loki.

I will pay her weregild
I’ll pay her weight in gold
though you’ve made it so expensive,
I’ve done it once before.

I will pay her weregild
I’ll haul her weight in gold
I’ll hold her heart beneath my heart –
I’ve done it all before.

Insert joke about dyslexic agnostics

Falkabarn2 Comments

I feel like gods look at us like we look at dogs.

We’re like “lol lookit that precious stupid pupper, he’s afraid to jump off the bed and he barks at reusable grocery bags and I love him.”

Gods are like “lol lookit that precious stupid human, he runs from wisdom and yells at deer and I love him.”

Whew

Falkabarn3 Comments

So.

September 12th was my 5-year convert-a-versary and I have been trying to work out how to approach the push I feel to go do a big thing for Loki.

Looking into the path for ordination as a goði right now. I want it to be something where I’m well-trained and legal (weddings, funerals, some…Thor-senings? on the side), and have found a promising way to go about it once I find a kindred to get established in the community. (Got burned by the last recommendation for a Lokean-friendly kindred.)

I offered to get a piercing or a tattoo, but right now am wearing a torq bracelet I made because I am looking into employment once I finish my associates and I want to be employable and established enough to get away with body mods come time. (No set time was involved in the piercing offer, so I’m not…overtly weasling my way out of anything, technically? You can have my head, not my neck, etc. etc.)

That’s blood. That’s an oath. That’s kind of terrifying. That’s permanent.

I’ve done temporary oaths after lots of negotiation, and honestly those have ended up being permanent and just slightly less intense in practice–like growing out my hair. It belongs to me again, but I still refuse to cut it. Even trimming the absolute worst of my split ends the other day made me want to cry because I grew that out for Loki and to some extent I feel like it still indirectly belongs to him as an outward symbol of my faith. I think it’s the idea of surrendering something as all-encompassing as my skin or my blood, for the rest of my life, that is so terrifying. That’s basically giving up the entirety of my being. I hate being controlled, even though giving in to faith is a very special kind of ecstasy (in the strictly religious sense).

EDIT: I also remembered the oath I made to quit smoking. Permanently. Maybe this concept isn’t as foreign to me as I’d previously assumed.

Hopefully there is a local goði I can consult when I find a kindred. Divination is giving a lot of “yes good pls continue” vibes, but for something this big, I need a second (and third, and fourth, and twelfth) opinion.

Holy shit, Gullveig

FalkabarnLeave a comment

Loki has a reputation for being super blunt when he feels like it, but Gullveig seems to have zero interest in subtlety in my experience.

Loki kinda toys with you, but signals from Gullveig are more like:

LOOK AT THIS YOUTUBE VIDEO.

IT’S GOT GOLD AND CATS AND REVENGE AND FIRE IN IT.

REMIND YOU OF ANYONE?

LOOK AT THAT SHINY THING.

BUY ME THE SHINY THING.

 

Convenient, if loud, because homegirl really loves herself some pop songs.

For example:

 

“I’m sorry, the Old Gullveig can’t come to the phone right now. Why? Oh! She got stabbed and set on fire. Like three times. Anyway she’s dead.”